“Love Does Not Insist On Its Own Way”
1 Corinthians 13:5
Love has a self-emptying nature. It has a recognizable capacity to pour itself out. Just as kindness is inherent in all of love’s traits, so is the characteristic to not “seek itself”. As Eugene Peterson said, love “isn’t always me first.”[1] What a radical message in our world today. No doubt it took the 1st century Corinthians by surprise, too.
The two Greek words used in verse 5 literally mean love does not “seek itself”. The Greek words carry a sense of desire or demand – to search after in order to lay hold of the object. The word “seek” can be positive, as in “to worship,” and there are many scriptures in the Bible where the people of God were adjured to seek God with all their heart.[2] Or it can have a negative connotation, as in to plot to take a life, as the authorities did in the case of Jesus[3]. The idea, though, is that there is an earnest and desirous search for the object. It is an outward movement. Love has this same trait. It seeks something outside of itself.
If love reaches outward, the antithesis of love is ever-turning inward. “Naval-gazing” is one expression for this same idea. Narcissism might be another. One is so self-absorbed it cannot or will not recognize the needs of another. Let us be understanding and wary of finding what we seek. James Allen put it this way,
You too… will realize the Vision of your heart, be it base or beautiful, or a mixture of both, for you will always gravitate toward that which you, secretly, most love…You will become as small as your most controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration… The Vision that you glorify in your mind, the Ideal that you enthrone in your heart – this you will build your life by, this you will become.”[4]
If we seek only our own ideas, passions, interests or comforts, we will live in a very small, fragile sphere. Our perspectives will be narrow. Our friendships few. Our heart small and easily agitated. We will nurse a gluttonous appetite and exhaust ourselves trying to satisfy it. Fearful and paranoid, we will protect our delicate domain from outsiders – intruders – who threaten it. Our isolation will close in on us, and we will die, one day, by our self- inflicted suffocation. It’s the saddest life of all. Of course, this is exactly what Jesus said. “Whoever seeks to preserve his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.”[5] No, this is no way to live, and certainly no way to love – seeking after oneself. If we are looking for love and for life, we must search for it another way.
Jesus, the perfect example of love, showed us. The gospels are full of his own stories, lessons and actions that reiterated how much he sought the hearts of his people. Think of the parables of the lost sheep, the lost coin, the Prodigal son[6]. “For the Son of man came to seek and to save the lost.”[7] Was Jesus talking about himself when he said, “the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it”?[8] Are we the pearl of great price that he went and sold everything to gain? Or is he the pearl and we the merchants who are to seek him no matter the cost? Probably both. For that is how love is. Always seeking the other. God made a people and sought after them with a heart to hold them.[9] His love reached out to us in the person of Jesus.
Interestingly, God hard-wired into his creation the same desire to seek after and find him[10]. How beautiful his promise that what we seek, we will find. When we seek God with our whole heart, we will surely find him.[11] In turn, we are found in him![12] What we pour out, we receive in return. What we give, we get. What we seek, we find. Jesus said, “seek first the kingdom and all things will be added unto you”.[13] So, there really is no need to seek ourselves. Everything we desire has been poured out for our benefit in the life of Jesus, the Christ.
This is the kind of love Paul is talking about in verse 5. When we seek to meet the needs of another, our own are met. When we pour ourselves out, we are made full. A beautiful giving that is never really a taking, but so very satisfying. Let us love the way Jesus has loved us.
Lord Jesus,
“You have searched me, and you know me.
You know my secret aspirations and my wild, delightful dreams. You know my weaknesses and failings. You know my deepest wounds, and still you love me! Still, you are here!
I am infinitely precious to you!
I praise you because you demonstrated your great love for me
by the cost you paid for me on the cross.
You are loving me into something completely brand new… and pure.
You searched for me and found me! I am found in you!
I am not lost. I do not need to seek myself.
Lord, give me a heart that only seeks you. Let all my searching for meaning and purpose and love find its end in you. Lord, help me remember that when I seek you, I find myself.
All other searching is vain and pointless.
Let me release my grip on my own will and that of others.
Let me find life by knowing and loving another as you know and love me.
In Your Name I pray,
Amen.
This is an excerpt from my new Bible Study called LOVE IS. If you would like to learn more, or participate online, click here: https://elizabethheadblack.com/love-is-study/.
[1] Eugene Peterson, The Message; (NavPress Publishing Group; Colorado Springs, CO; 2003) p. 353
[2] Deuteronomy 6:5
[3] Luke 20:19
[4] James Allen, an excerpt from As A Man Thinketh, (A Guide to Prayer for Ministers and Other Servants, The Upper Room; Nashville, TN; 1983) p. 272.
[5] Luke 17:33
[6] Luke 15
[7] Luke 19:10
[8] Matthew 13:45
[9] John 4:23
[10] Acts 17:27
[11] Jeremiah 29:13
[12] Philippians 3:9
[13] Matthew 6:33